I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All the doctor said was why
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
