whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
