I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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