Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
