Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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