i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
