Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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