Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
