Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
