if only i could text you this smell
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
