I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
