I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
