I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
