we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
