I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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