Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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