So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
