im drinking this country out of the recession.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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