And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
