i think my tv is drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
