I faked an abortion last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
