What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
