I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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