On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
