Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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