did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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