I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
