There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
