I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
