Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize