i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
