I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
