his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
