So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
