Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
