her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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