the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
