I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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