Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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