I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
