when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
