i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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