my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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