I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
