My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
