i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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