you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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