Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
