Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I supernannyed him into submission
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
