Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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