i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
