i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
