she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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