Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
