Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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