Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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