it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
