So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
