awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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