dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
