No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
