did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
