So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
