Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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