apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
