Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
