my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
