were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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