I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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