Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just had sex bonerless
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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