wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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