I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
