i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
