dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize