Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
