My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize