It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
