just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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