Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
