closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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