I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
