she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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