wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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