I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
