She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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