Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
